In memory of...

If my grandma was still alive, she'd have turned 70 today. She was taken from our lives early, but it was because of her choice to smoke throughout most of her life. I decided I wanted to write down a few memories and facts about her, because I feel like I've almost forgotten things about her. I don't ever want to forget who she was to me because she had a big impact on my life.

-My grandma and grandpa are from Iowa. They moved to Texas when my dad was in middle school. I went to Iowa with them one year to visit my great grandma. I remember staying in the room in the basement. I also remember finding a lot of old piano sheet music there that my great grandma gave me. I also remember having rhubarb pie, which I've never had since that trip.
-My grandma had 7 sisters, but I only met Mildred. She had one brother, Dick. To my knowledge, I never met him either.
-Her favorite gem was blue topaz. My mom gave us earrings a few years after she died with a blue topaz stone in her memory.
-Her favorite song was "The last date" by Floyd Cramer.
-Whenever I hear the song "Forever and ever amen" by Randy Travis I think of my grandma. I remember hearing this song in the car with her when I was growing up.
-When she had to stay on oxygen, I used to go to her house and vacuum and dust. I also helped change the sheets and make the beds. I helped her clean and I got paid $15 dollars, plus a tomato sandwich.
-When I was around 10 years old, I asked my grandma for the recipe for tomato sandwiches so I could make them at my house too. I wrote it on a piece of paper and my mom still has it. I plan on taking this one day, but my mom still holds on to it for now.
-When I got in trouble at my grandma's house, she would ask if I wanted to 'go to fist city'.
-My grandparents had a scottie dog named McDuff. At Christmas every year, the dog would have a present to unwrap. He could open his toy without much help.
-When McDuff died, they got a new scottie named McDoogle. He was a hyper puppy, but loved my grandma. He used to jump on her and because her skin was so thin, she would bleed. After my grandma died, McDoogle would look for her and was depressed for a
long time. McDoogle recently died, but he was old for a dog.
-My grandma was in the hospital for her last Christmas with us. She had already done the shopping. I still have the windsuit she gave me for Christmas that year. I've never worn it because it's not my style, but it's one of the few things I don't want to get rid of yet. I laugh at myself for this, but I still refuse to get rid of it.
-We used to go to my grandparents house for holidays. My grandma worked very hard to keep the family together. Ever since she died, things haven't been the same on my dad's side of the family.
-When she was in the hospital, she asked my mom to keep the family together. My mom was like the daughter she never had, and Donna (my grandma) was like the mom she didn't have anymore. My mom has tried very hard to keep the family together. My grandpa and uncles and aunts come to our house now for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Things are very different now.
-When my grandma was in the hospital she couldn't talk because of the tubes in her throat so she wrote everything on a note pad. The only memory I have of this note pad is seeing where she wrote what funeral home she preferred. My mom still has the notes from the time she was in the hospital. My mom spent more time than anyone with her at the hospital. My mom was with her when she took her last breath. This is something my mom still can't talk about without being overwhelmed with grief, even after 9 years.
-My grandma wanted my sister and I to sing at her funeral. We told my mom that we couldn't do it because it would be too hard. I don't regret that, because there is
no way either of us could have made it through a song.
-My grandma's middle name is Lorraine. I plan on it being the middle name of my little girl one day, if God chooses to bless me with children.
-I can still see my grandma's face very clearly in my mind. It's a face that I hope to never forget.

This morning my mom told me that my dad visits my grandma's grave 2 days a year-the day she died and on her birthday. This is something I never knew about my dad. I realize now that he is just like any normal person. He is a private person and I don't know if he would have ever told me that he visits his mom on those 2 days. It helps me to know that my dad has a sensitive side, even if he's private about it.

After my grandma died, I became very depressed. I still went on with my life, but there was always a part of me that was thinking about her. When I think about her now, I still can't do it without crying. She was the first person of significance in my life to die. I miss her a lot, even after 9 years.

Today I picked my dad up from work (b/c we're still sharing a car), and he said, can we go somewhere real quick? I had a suspicion that he wanted to go to the cemetery and I felt special that he would include me in this private time. He just told me to head south on Broadway. (If he had said that to Lindsey, she'd have had to ask which way that was-love you Lin) When we got closer to the cemetery my dad said, "Hope you don't mind, we're going to Jacksonville." I said, "No we're not. I know where we're going." He said, "Where?" And I said, "To see grandma." He asked how I knew. I told him that my mom told me this morning that he goes there on her birthday. I started crying, because I miss her so much and because I was glad to share this moment with my dad. We talked about a few good memories then went on our way. This is a day that I hope I don't forget anytime soon.